Ok just out of curiosity, but first off isn't it common knowledge that if you have a friend with a family and a baby on the way, they would like some time to themselves every now and then. I mean gees louise people the husband's friend has to either come over every single evening or thinks we should go to his house. Tonight about did me in. We talked to him earlier and told him we were going to be out for most of the evening, and we'd be home at about seven, but until then we had a lot to do, plus when we got home, we needed to put together the new pack and play baby set, clean, and do laundry. Well at about 8:00 his friend calls, and tells Floyd he'll be over in about 20 minutes. I wouldn't normally be bothered but we had the house all torn up while working on everything. So I figured I can handle a few minute visit, nope he decided to stay for 3 freaking hours.
I have gotten to the point htat I am so uncomfortable that I have to sleep on the couch and I couldn't even go to sleep in my own house. I tried to be a gracious hostess, but I can only take so much. I finally went to the bedroom to bitch about it to my best friend via text message, and pulled the husband aside and told him that he needed to make soemthing happen because I'm freaking 9 mo. pregnant and his friend needs to get some damn manners.
I swear he gripes and complains about not getting a woman, but if this is how things were with all the women in the past well duh big red truck!!! When a woman is pregnant she wants to sleep, and rest, and having company over every single night just doesn't work. I am just waiting for the time that I go into labor, he'll probably have to follow Floyd to the hospital. It's like he has some serious codependency issues. And I planned on letting the hubby get some even because the doc finally said I can do the deed in moderacy, and if I am really really careful. I wouldn't give in because it hurts but I know that if I want to go into labor that's the way to do it. Well, I'm too freaking tired now for it, even though I'm having some strong Braxton Hicks. It just ticks me off because I can't even do anything that I plan because we have to live our lives around him. I am probably going to lose my cool very soon, even though I've tried to be nice because he's "going through a rough time". If Floyd doesn't put his friend in check they can be single, whiny, asses together cuz I am not having any more to do with it.
first of all i would have thrown graciousness out the door, along w/hub's friend, a long time ago! i've never had a problem saying i'm going to bed time for you to shuffle off to buffalo.
you need to have a nice sit down w/hubs & set him straight on friend's parameters. it's not gonna change when the baby gets here unless you put your foot down NOW. set some rules w/your husband....then make husband deliver the news to best friend. he is to come over only after an invitation is extended. when the baby is an infant then the visits will be time limited. if hubs & best friend can't live w/o each other's company then they can go bowling once a week, start a card game (at someone else's house), whatever. but that time too will be limited ot once a week.
btw, does your hubs see this as an issue or is this all hunkey dorey w/him the way it is now.
kris
__________________
an ABC soap fan since i was a teen. favorte hobby is reading mysteries & legal or medical procedural mysteries
You have ISSUES, honey, when it comes to kicking people out of your house when they need to be kicked!!!
Tell the guy, "Well, as you know, we have a lot to do tonight, and I'm tired, and I need to stretch out here on the couch for a little while. So, we'll see you another time... Bye." Smile the entire time, give him a hug, and send him to the door.
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
OH I like that Moore, it's calssy but assertive! Oh and Kris, what gets me is that this apparently bugs the husband as much as it does me, but he still just puts up wtih it. I think he feels like he owes him something from the time that he lived with him, but if he hasn't made it up to him by now it's just plain pathetic.
You know he wants us to get him a girlfirend, I didn't mention that earlier, but he does. I was going to hook him up with my best friednd, Sarah, but I know she'd probably kill him aftrer 2 days of his codependency.
It's always a difficult dilemma when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, etc., (and I was just recently in a similar situation myself with a houseguest from hell, so I DO know where you're coming from here), but eventually being politely honest is best. After all, your husband's friend already knew before he came over that it wasn't the most convenient time for you so he's not really being all that considerate about YOUR feelings! Therefore, you shouldn't get too swept up in HIS potentially hurt feelings...
Humor always softens the blow a bit too, if it comes to the point where you have to be blunt. "HEY! JOHN! Go HOME!!! This kid is kicking the HELL out of me, and I want to put my poor aching feet up. You wretched man...!!! (Smiling and laughing) What do YOU know about backaches, and swolen ankles!?! GO!!! (Gets behind him, and pushes him towards the door.) We love you, but "mommy" needs a nap now... (Big hugs) Thanks for coming by, and keeping Floyd company. See ya later."
Just another alternative to the sweeter version...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
LOL I will probably have to try both of them. He probably won't get the hint the first time I politely point him to the door. I am relieved though because I used to only be really nice to him because I was worried he might go and I don't know kill himself or something, but he's on medication now, so I'm not as worried anymore
Hey, Jess....just to add to Moore's excellent advice. The friend is really needy and should be in counselling as well as on medication. His personal neediness will not play second fiddle to decent manners as long as your husband encourages his visits and thoughtless behaviour, and you're in no position to have to condone either.
I'd make it abundantly clear to Floyd that he isn't welcome at all after __ o'clock, and should he ignore your request, poor schmuck will be subjected to more assertiveness from you upon his arrival. Both guys need a swift kick, and you're the gal to give it!
i'd be glad to give both a swift kick, I just hope I can get my foot high enough lol.
You knwo I figured Floyd would be sick of his friend getting him in trouble by now. He usually has to bare the brunt of my frustration when it comes to Scott. Just last week on his birthday in the middle of the melee` with my dad, Floyd got shunted by me because Scott was driving me nuts, I locked myself in the bedroom and told him to bite my ass until he could keep his friend's mouth off of my son, since he was bitching at Cody. You know now that I think of it, I really put up with way too much sometimes. It's about time for bitchy Jessica to come out, or should I say it's time for me to realease this Jessica's Tess.
jessica hon, you must be the most tolerant woman on the planet. when my kids were little there is no way in hell someone would come in to MY home & crab at my kids. NO WAY!!!
you need to learn how to defend your turf (as in your home & those you love). this guy has to become responsible for himself....it's not your husband's job to make sure he's entertained, has companionship nor a gf. dude needs to grow up.
i get the whole he's depressed thing, but let me tell you as someone who has had major depressive episodes & a son who has gone his round as well ~~~ there comes a time in the process where you have to decide which route you're going to take. take responsibility for yourself & your mental health or to continue to wallow. if he's going to wallow then he has to wallow on his own. the longer people tip toe around him the longer he will refuse to change.
.....oh & i would most certainly not introduce him to any of YOUR friends. anyone you know that you don't like rofl???
kris
__________________
an ABC soap fan since i was a teen. favorte hobby is reading mysteries & legal or medical procedural mysteries
Well, now that you mention it ... lol. Oh it's horrible, but I've serisously considered it. i used to have this friend who was just like him, and she drove me nuts. I was just thinking if I could put the two together then they'd drive each other nuts and leave me alone!
Ok I did it, I went in bitch mode tonight. However, this time the husband got the brunt of it, because he invited the friend over when if he had left things alone all would have been fine, but no he can't do that. I wanted to try the Eggplant thing again at Olive Garden and said so, but he calls his friend and invites him over so Jessica didn't get her Olive Garden, so when he was hungry I told him to figure something out. Now to add to it, tomorrow night I am going to Olive Garden ... with the kids ... but not someone else.
He invited his friend over without making sure that it was okay with you? Even after you told him you wanted to go out?
Bitch mode was justified! Next time, just grab the credit card and the car keys, leave the kids behind, and go to the Olive Garden on your own or with a girlfriend. (Hey, he's with his guy friend!) Let Prince Charming take care of "bestest buddy", the kids, and dinner on his own...
And, buy yourself something pretty while you're out. Something that sparkles! Something that involves a precious stone... Let Prince Charming know that this will be your practice from now on, whenever you're forced into such a position! (Okay, you may not be prepared to follow through on this every time because it could get to be expensive, but if hubby thinks that you're pissed off enough, and MIGHT actually mean it, then perhaps he'll think twice the next time...)
Okay, Jessica -- give me your address. It will be easier if I just come and stay for a couple of weeks! That way, I can play with the new little one, make dinner for you, rub your feet, give you some bitch training, and can scare the s**t out of your husband...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
clearly you need to bring your inner bitch OUT! how about if moore & i tag team hubs & his BFF. gah, jess, your dh (dear husband or alternatively dick head depending on your mood) is stuck in adolescence where friends are more important than the core relationship.
i like the idea of just leaving the house & spending $$$ on yourself, but you might not be feeling up to that. do keep in mind that w/a debit/charge card & the internet you can apply the shopping salve to your wounded soul any time you feel the need.
now if it had been me i'd have waited for bff to show up & then slammed the door in his face. obviously i have no problems bringing out my inner bitch to play rofl.
kris
__________________
an ABC soap fan since i was a teen. favorte hobby is reading mysteries & legal or medical procedural mysteries
She's a jealous girl but still sexy as ever!
