Ok I am so furious at my husband right now. He came home and picked a fight with me basically saying I'm not a good mom because of "how I was raised". And I said I do everything for my kids, cook, clean, run them to school and he says all moms do that. And I had to think for a while, then I said you know you say our kids need good morales, as though I am not giving them that. But look at our three children, they don't lie, steal, cheat, they're all sweet, kind and smart, my teen is not on drugs or running with gangs!
The proof is in the pudding!!
The kids are happy, healthy well adjusted, and all for every mom you see out there who does all that cooking and cleaning and running around, she looks old, tired, worn down, because it's NOT an easy Job!
I really hate him
I sent him an email that said he can go pick any other woman he knows and go see how good she is as a mom and if he's happy, he can stay with her!!
Oh I should have listened to that psychic 10 years ago! She said he was wrong, wrong, wrong!
Tina, I think that it sounds like you're doing an amazing job with all three of your kids, and they know that they're well loved. That's one of the most basic things that you can give them -- unconditional love. That way, they know they're "safe", no matter what mistakes they might make throughout their lives.
The other thing that children need, though, is the security of knowing that their parents are a functioning "team". I hate to sound like I'm giving you a standard answer, but you and your husband need to air your issues together with a counselor, or you need to do it by yourself, if necessary.
Every marriage has its challenges, and sometimes is takes a trained third party to help a couple work through their stuff. Even if you believe that your husband never was the right "one" for you, he's the one you're married to, and he's the father of your kids. That doesn't mean you have to put up with things that are intollerable to you, just to "save" a marriage, but that you have the responsibility to try to work through them, and to fix what's broken. There have been plenty of very successful, and happy marriages where the couples weren't necessarily head over heals in love with each other, but who were both good parents, and who had mutual respect for one another...
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
If I thought he would go to counselling I would. I gave up on believing he can change. Kids did not change him, neither did marriage, or owning a home or old age. He is the same and I have to accept that he will not change for me. And I do not deserve to be treated that way anymore. Well I never deserved it, but I never knew that before. I deserve better, my children deserve better. I hear ya though.
Then, please please go for your own sake. You don't need his permission, and it will help you decide what you need to do, one way or the other. It will give you support. GO!!!
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
maybe counselling will help I obviously had major issues of self esteem when I hooked up with him, I was feeling so low and I wanted better and really wasn't sure I deserved better.
And he also needs to admit he's an alcoholic and get help for that, and he won't.
