I think any hiding of any kind means that you're definitely in a bad area. It's not bad to send a birthday card to an ex if you're still friends. Coffee might be a little extreme but that again depends on your relationship with your person and the person you're having coffee with. The kiss that Evangeline and Todd had, I wouldn't say it was cheating but it was definitely a very bad thing that did hurt the relationship. Each act is different so there's a big gray area here.
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I have a guy friend in Florida, always been just a friend, but it seems to make my husband jealous if I talk to him on the phone. But I dont' care because I know it's nothing
I think Cristian really over reacted, he used to be the calm, reasonable brother
If you send a birthday card to an ex, do you need to tell your husband, if you know he'll get bent out of shape over something so little?
I think that cheating is when you know in your own mind that you've crossed an emotional line, and you keep it a secret.
If you're talking to a male friend, you shouldn't have any problem with saying so because it's essentially the same as talking to a girlfriend. Unless, of course, you know differently!
I have a long-time male friend who lives in Texas (I'm in Virginia), and I've called him on his birthday every year for so many years that I won't even POST it here! Those calls are always marathon phone calls because we have so much catching up to do. It started as a bit of a joke when he first left this area, but over the years began to mean a great deal to both of us. My husband is totally aware of this, and knows that there's no threat. In fact, my husband actually passed through Texas a few years ago, and stopped by to see him. A number of years before that, during a period of time when I was feeling especially low, my husband called my friend and said that it would probably help me to hear his voice, and have an off-schedule marathon call. It helped enormously!
About four years ago, this friend of mine sent me a bouquet of yellow roses -- totally out of the blue! (He's single, by the way, and older than I am.) My son didn't really know the whole back story to all of it, and became really concerned that some guy (not his dad) was sending me roses! I explained the whole thing to him (he realized then who it was), and I still have those roses, now dried, hanging in a basket in my kitchen...
I have never had one romantic thought about this guy, but he's a very special friend to me, and I wouldn't trade him for all the world!
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
In MHO, emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than having sex or kissing. In the case of OLTL, Evangeline is emotionally tied to Todd, but she denies it's anything other than friendship. Bullshit. Her "friendship" with Todd caused all sorts of problems with her and Cris, and I don't think that Cris is over-reacting at all.
Sending a card to an ex is fine, as long as your name and your current partner's name is on it. Doing it without acknowledging yourself as part of a couple is a huge NO NO! You might as well send an invitation to the ex that you're interested in rekindling something.
I recently sent a card to a guy friend, he knows I'm married, not sure if he is I haven't talked with him in years. But I don't want to mention it to my husband, and I didn't even date the guy. We just worked together. So I feel a little guilty for being secretive, and yet it's just out of friendship.
I don't think my husband gets why I keep in touch with anyone, male or female. Like I should spend every waking moment with him. And frankly I need my outside relationships. It's what separates me from just being a Mrs. and keeps me being my own person.
Most of my friends are male, and to be honest I don't really see the difference in a freindship based upon gender. Being single I get some great advice from my guy friends related to how the male dating psyche can work.
I think that it really can come down to how secure an individual feels in a relationship, and their understanding of your commitment to them.
Friends are easy to make, good friends don't come along that often, and darn it, I'm not passing on a good friend because of their gender.
At work, most days when I have time to take lunch, it's myself and five guys. I joke and say I'm the token female. We talk about our kids, sports, gossip about other co-workers, and talk about our weekend plans. Heck, I've met a few of their wives, and it's all fine.
My ex-husband was my best friend for three years before we started dating. Talk about a relationship that should NEVER have changed. I didn't miss my husband, but I sure missed that old best friend that I once upon a time had.... I got over it though!
Don't feel bad Tina my hubby is the same way until lI pointed out that he puts up with Scott like he's attached at the hip. He once got pissy w/me about keeping in touch w/a male friend but I had to remind him that EVERY time we go somewhere some strange girl is always rushing up and huggung him and I have to stand there for nearly ten minutes while they talk or catch up on old times. I keep in touch and he never sees that happen. Only twice has a guy friend stopped me in public. 1 was a friend who just got back from Baghdad the other had been in college. I just got along better w/guys than girls in school and the thought of anythin romantic w/any of them would just be icky!!!
