I have a "friend" from HS and I use the term loosely, she has always had to compare herself to me and copy me, and just today I called to see how things were going and she said in a uppity way, well my husband is just making lots of money for us now, and bought me a fully loaded Equinox with heated seats and what do you drive? And I just drive a plain old mini van. And she's done this financial thing before, way back when I was a single mom and only working part time and her and her husband both had full time jobs and a house, she always had to compare.
You should feel sorry for her because clearly she isn't comfortable in herself and her things if she has to go blabbing about how cool they are to someone else. To give her some sort of "Oh that's really, neat. Equinox is a good vechicle" line will only reinforce the bad behavior she's performing. You need to find a way of acknowledging it in a minimal way so she subtlely gets the point that you don't care if she has something better or not.
__________________
"If you were looking for something clever or witty or funny here, you've come to the wrong place."
I politely said Oh that's nice, what color, but I had never heard of an Equinox. I guess everyone has their little quirks and I'll have to keep that in mind, that this is her quirk. Because it really seems that the older I get the more my old friends all move away and have kids and careers and it's so hard to keep in touch with anyone.
But I am having a really nice friend over Saturday, so at least I have nice friends too!
It's actually a sign of insecurity, and how sad that she feels that her worth as an individual is judged by the value of her posessions, and no on how she is as a person......
"Friends" don't try to make their friends feel inferior.
True friendships mean a great deal to me, so when I say this to you, you need to understand that I'm coming at it from a lot of previous experience (I'm WAY older than you after all). I'm also happy to say that I've been very blessed in the area of friendships. I don't take friendships lightly -- not even casual ones. I've also learned during the course of my life that, sometimes, there is no more time for nonsense...
So here's the healthy thing to do: Dump her and move on.
She's no friend, and you shouldn't waste anymore time on a false friendship. You have a family to raise, and issues of your own. Deal with those. Don't pour anymore energy into this...
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the reality. Move on.
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
well in other ways she can be nice, and it's great to have someone to talk to that has known me since way back when, and still likes me.... after all I'm not perfect!
I think she is insecure and so her possessions are all she's got. If I'm a good friend I will understand that and not let it bother me. If I'm secure enough, it won't bother me. But of course I"m not entirely as secure as I should be.
My husband said I could have come back with a snarky comment, like "well I'm raising my kids to NOT be materialistic" but then that would be lowering myself, I think.
It's like my husband too, most days he's nice, but when he's bad, he's really bad. I've got him on a HiStress vitamin now, hoping that will calm his ass down! It has chamomile, vitamin B, C, Hops, Valerian Root, and all kinds of other herbs for calming the nerves.
Life is too short to waste on people that piss you off! I say lose her number now. She's an old acquaintance, but hardly your friend, Tina. I think you have better friends here on this little board than you do in the gal that spoke to you about her new car.
KaeEll, you and I are of the same mind on this one...
Tina, sometimes it takes a lot of years to realize that there's no reason to waste time on someone like this. I used to go through the same kind of handwringing because I like to give people their fair share of chances. The result was that I usually became someone's doormat!
KaeEll is exactly right. Life's too short! You have children to raise, and a marriage to address, and your own personal hopes and dreams. You need to choose friends who will cheer you on, encourage you in your new interests, hold your hand when you need it held, and boost your morale when it's low.
A person who sets out to make you feel inferior is NO FRIEND. I don't care how nice she can be "sometimes"... I've had "friends" like this before, and the relief when I finally got a clue, and walked away was enormous. Get her out of your life, and get her out of your HEAD!
Snarky comments won't help. It will only pull you down to her level. Walk away. If she wants to know why she hasn't heard from you, you can tell her that you really felt that you and she don't have all that much in common after all... Then, move on.
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Moore, you and I seem to come from the same place so often. I'm guessing that age and experience has much to do with that!
I wish I knew 20 years ago what I do today. It would have spared me a truckload of grief and unhappiness. Sometimes the best lessons in life are the hardest learnt.
You know I had a friend like her in high school, she ended up marrying my son's father (I think she dated him just to spite me then he got her pregnant) and now she lives in Northern Illinois with him and is miserable. He's abusive and a complete loser. The last time she was pregnant he yelled at her that he had just gotten her where he wanted her and she ruined it.
I've decided to forgive her because I would want someone to forgive me if I did something just as stupid. I've been known to stick my foot in my mouth, and not to really think about what I was saying before I've said it. And I confess to being crabby some days, having low self esteem at times, so I may have even said something to a good friend to put them down when I really didn't mean it, I may have just been having a bad day, or a bad year!
She's not a bad person, she just is misguided. She grew up poor and maybe having these possessions make her feel like she's finally made it. I don't think she intentionally brags to make me feel bad. And I have to say I understand her well, we're both Leos and I have a third Leo friend who does the same thing, she's so proud of her Lexus! And I used to work with a Leo woman who was a professional doctor who also would brag about her trips to Europe. It could be a Leo thing. Leos brag and we don't mean to put people down, but sometimes we do, so forgive us!
