(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien, I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively, if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent, Donald Ruppert Burlington, IA Get your Form Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.
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Oh my goodness that was hilarious. I really needed the laugh today. I've been up since 5 working at the new house and helping the hubby move more stuff over. Of course when I got to the house I realized that the box with my cleaning supplies and toilet paper had been left at home (ahem thanks to my lovely son who decided to tell me that the box was already in there so that he'd have more room for more of his toys ... haha served him well when he had to go to the bathroom and had no toilet paper). Then my fridge and stove did not arrive on time. Well I had to be at my mom's by 1 for Cody's ball practice. So I had to have my grandma pretend to be me so that she could sign for them. Well I get a call a half hour after getting to my mom's and my grams had gone to the old house to wait for the appliances (silly silly gal). So after fixing that lil snaffu I could finally kinda relax for now until tonight that is. Oh and my mouse is boxed up and the phone company couldn't find the house ... I'm still without internet. It's a conspiracy and evil evil conspiracy.
