I have a guy friend from college and now my husband is getting pissy about me continuing a friendship with him. He lives in Florida, we only talk once or twice a year. So last night Ed says it's weird, and "why don't you just screw him already" I consider this to be crude and uncalled for!
So now I feel I have to defend a friendship with someone who isn't even that good of a friend, and that if I call my friend it will have to be behind my husband's back which now makes it kind of like cheating!!!
Moore is so right, let him know that talking to him is just like talking to one of your girlfriends and that's all there is to it. Let him know that screwing this friend would be the equivalent of your hubby screwing his best buddy. Let him know that because he's such a tough strong oh so masculine guy, that you never would've thought he'd be so oddly territorial. Ok honestly I'd just tell my hubby that the thought of screwing my bff would be so ucky and that he's the only one for me you know I'm kinda good at stroking the ego lol.
Two real quick things here. This type of behavior generally only comes because the guy is insecure. So something is going on with him that's bringing that behavior out. Either he's just naturally pessimistic which would lead to that type of outburst or there's something else going on. Maybe he's pissed about something else and this just happened to be where he choose to explode.
I think a frank discussion about why'd ya do that, is in order.
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"If you were looking for something clever or witty or funny here, you've come to the wrong place."
My husband is mean like that. When he gets mad, it gets blown out of proportion, and I get called names. Like one time I was having a pillow fight with the kids and he said I was dysfunctional, "but it's not your fault, it's how you were raised" as in I came from a small town and didn't have alot of money, therefore I'm poor white trash. And he does this when he drinks and he yells and leaves the room, then comes back and yells some more. It's been going on for 12 years. I must be some kind of idiot to put up with it, But I think I always believed this behaviour would change. He'd mature, stop drinking, etc
Just recently I came to realize he won't change and I have to figure a way out.
I bought the rememdy, I just never know what little thing will set him off until it escalates into nasty insults. And then by that point I guess I don't care if he takes the pill or not, he's said what he had to say.
I'm no expert, and certainly wouldn't say this is diagonsis or anything but you might want to check into intermittent explosive disorder or IED and see if those traits fit your husband at all. Here's some info:
Many more Americans than previously thought may suffer from a dangerous anger disorder, according to a new nationwide survey. The condition, known as intermittent explosive disorder or IED, is characterized by angry and violent outbursts, often completely without provocation. Published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, the new survey estimates that up to 16 million people across the country may be afflicted with the condition. Most IED sufferers begin exhibiting symptoms of the condition around the onset of adolescence, at the average age of 14. Research has shown that IED raises a person's risk of engaging in substance abuse and suffering concurrent emotional disorders.
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"If you were looking for something clever or witty or funny here, you've come to the wrong place."
Wow that sounds about right, he is an alcoholic! And his outburts are so absurd you almost want to laugh. In fact one time, my mom, my oldest son and I laughed our asses off over his outlandish behaviour and of course that just made him more angry. But I was glad to finally have a witness to this nonsense.
You know, Bran, that sounds a lot like my step dad. He used to have those issues all the time. I think now he just leaves and goes for a ride or (you're gonna laugh) to the zoo when he starts getting all crazy like.
Bran - not scary at all, LOL. It's saved MANY marriages in my little circle alone and I am delighted to share it with anyone else who might benefit from it. It doesn't work on everyone, but certain behavioural tendencies, as Tina has described, respond positively to it most of the time.
