I know it's a crappy topic, but I figure if I should/could talk with anyone about it with anyone you'd all be the ones. You all know Floyd and I had been having problems as I had mentioned earlier, but I guess I hadn't really given you all the full story and I think it's about time that it be told. The odd thing is a lot of this is all like a light bulb going off now.
Gees I don't know where to start lol. Well, I'll start with one thing I've recently realized that from the very beginning of our relationship, he's found a way to cut me off from all of my friends. First it was the few friends I had when we got together. He didn't like them because they were too "wild". After his complaining and moaning I stopped hanging out with them all together. Then we moved to Kincaid and I made a new friend there. He hated her. Never wanted me to go out. My friend Amanda, well every time I'd go over there he'd bitch and complain and blow my phone up. He didn't like me going out to the country to see her. He also didn't like the fact that her boyfriend's brother came to their house for band practice. Crazy right? Then of course the other friend I made while in Kincaid, was Christin .. yeah well we know what happened there. So now that we're in Springfield, I'm making friends again and I noticed he hated it again. Now I'm noticing a pattern and I'm seeing that there really is absolutely no valid reason to dislike these people.
Then there's the way he has treated Cody all this time. He's been terrible to him. If we would get into a fight, he'd blame Cody for it. I am sick and tired of seeing my baby boy be treated like dirt. He doesn't deserve it! Of course now he says he's changing but I've heard it time and time again.. and it always goes back to normal after the fact. Don't get me started on his piggishness ewww!
So I recently told him that I was falling out of love and that I was going to take a month and see what I feel at the end of the month. Of course after that he'd been trying real hard, but he also got really creepy. I mean like freaky scary creepy. He got more obsessive than possessive all of a sudden. Every where I'd turn he'd be in my face. I couldn't take a step without him wanting to hold me wanting to know what I was doing. I felt like I was being smothered. I told him this a number of times and he just didn't pay any attention to me. I'd be walking into the room and he'd grab me .. it was so uncomfortable. It got weird to be in bed with him. He'd hold me there and I don't like that. One night I asked him to sleep on the couch because he was just smothering me way too much. That whole night he text messaged me creepy things. Not sweet things, these things were creepy like stalker, obsessed dude creepy messages. At one point he walked into the room and said he thought I had said something. Well he texted me later and said he just wanted to sit by the bed and watch me sleep. After a while I got hungry and he grabbed something for me. When he brought it to me he got on the bed and sat behind me and wouldn't let go and started telling me these weird creepy things. I tried to take it all in like it was normal but in the back of my head alarms were going off like crazy. I hated it. He wouldn't let go. He asked if I could feel his soul touching mine when he held me like that and when I said no he said, it's ok he knew I would. It was just so creepy and surreal
So the other day (friday the 13th of course) I come home from work. Was not in the mood to be touched at all, had had a long trying exhausting night and I just wanted to go to sleep no touching no forced cuddling nothing. Well of course I get in bed and I told him I just didn't want to be touched this morning. I just wanted to go to sleep. Well he asks if he could hug me. I said ok begrudgingly knowing this'd be a mistake, and then he wouldn't let go. Well he started getting all touchy feely and grinding on me and I told him again. I just don't want to be touched I want to go to sleep. I finally told him flat out I didn't like him touching me like he was and I needed him to stop. His response was "but I need to feel you" I got really freaked out then. Told him I felt light headed and need him to go get me something to eat. I don't know how long he would have held me there if I hadn't said that or done something. What gets me is that he knows what happened to me when I was a little girl, and he really made me feel like I was in that position again. Completely helpless, out of control, and definitely not safe.
Of course I really couldn't do much about it because it was Aiden's birthday and I didn't want to ruin his day. I went to breakfast with friends from work on the morning of the 14th. I had to get out of the house or it would've killed me. When I got home he wanted to talk to me alone in the bedroom and that's when I said it. I told him I couldn't stand to be in the same house as someone I didn't feel safe or comfortable with. He had betrayed me in a way worse than anything I could've imagined. So he's looking for a place and going to get some help/ He's promised to make this easy for me. I a, staying in the house and keeping the van too, uhoh bubby is up i'll be back on soon
I definitely will. My blackberry comes in very handy for that. I do have to figure out why my java isn't working on it though. See I still have internet but I don't stay still long enough to sit long lmao. This new toy is perfect for me.
Keep that chin up, Jess! This isn't going to be an easy time, but I honestly think you have made a really wise decision. The isolation factor alone sets off alarms, never mind Cody and the other obsessive control freak issues. Some things are fixable, other not so much.
Good luck, Jess. Once all this is history, you'll be able to congratulate yourself on a job well done. Good for Jessica!!! I'm really proud of you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this Jessica, but am glad that you can talk to us about it. It sounds like you've made the right decision, as difficult as it may be, but in the long run you and the kids will be better off. That's not the kind of environment that will be healthy for the children, and they'll always feel the tensions.
We're here for you! Stand your ground...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Jessica - when someone tries to isolate you from your firends, that is one way he is trying to control you. If you have a decent friend, don't allow him to run off that friend. How old is Cody? If that child can't turn to you for protection, he has no one. Meanwhile, as long as you stay with guy, you are eliminating opportunities to meeting someone else that will appreciate you. Good luck!
I actually have a lot of really good friends here. This move has been so good for me. Tonight I found out he had been putting cody smack dab in the middle and made him lie to my day and so much more. I thought I'd help bub out and find out the truth, well when I called I got attacked by my dad about not going to church and not wanting the paster who floyd has convinced he is mr wonderful to "counsel" us. I have now officially disowned my father. When he found out what floyd did the other night he more or less said it is floyd's right as my husband to do whatever he wants. That was it! The last straw. My dad and floyd both think my life should be nothing more than going to work than coming homw and cooking n cleaning. The dumb ass actually wants me to leave my job! Luckily my friend nora came and got me so we could go for a ride. Her brother who also works at comcast was apparently fuming. He knows the whole story and doesn't like floyd all too much. At one point in the night another friend from work called. I learned tonight that I am far from being alone and have a whole call center full of support. Which makes me feel pretty good. I know I would have never survived a barrage like that without my friends. Those neanderthals bekieve a woman is a bad mother if she goes out with her friends. So glad I'm learning ther truth now
Well dear heavens, what century is your dad living in? And I am so happy to hear that you have good friends to lean on. It really does make it a bit easier
