So its Martin Luther King day, does anyone else have time off for it? We do, which means that daycare is closed. I still have lots of laundry to get done and a trip to good will to get rid of stuff. Jolene is all whiney today and I haven't slept more then a few hours at a time in the last week so I can see myself getting really irritated today.
I need to go to target or walmart to get a few things for the week. I need like a gallon of coffee so I think I will hit Dunkin Donuts before anything happens today.
I've decided that I am annoyed when people ( my friend martina) whines to me about her husband of only 6 months because she gets to see him everyday. Of the last 6 months I think that my husband has been home half of it. It gets annoying, I would rather fight with my husband then not see him. And why do people find it so hard to believe that me and my husband have never had a fight before?
Good morning, Shelly, and all. We don't have the day off up here, but we do acknowledge the importance of MLK, of course.
You and Vinnie are lucky to have such a wonderful relationship and being away from each other so much is really hard, but probably accounts for the appreciation you have for one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all, lol. (Or outta sight outta mind.) Maybe reminding your whiny friend that she should be so lucky to have her guy around all the time will help her quit her beefing.
We had an interesting conversation last night about "open marriages" and how they can be extremely destructive in spite of the delusional justifications of the participants. I've seen three of these in my day and the end results were painful and devastating. Anyone else had experience with these slightly crazy people? (All three couples were in the academic community. Interesting in itself, IMHO.)
Shelly you are really lucky to have someone that you love so much.
I can believe you never argue, sometimes when you meet that one person, it just flows.
Othertimes you meet the wrong person and settle because you don't believe you deserve better
Anyway, your friend shouldn't go on and on complaining, that's not typical. Remind her of what she should appreciate if there is something there. Otherwise maybe she's not with the right person?
from being in the Navy I have seen a lot of contract marriages. Which in of itself is really an open marriage. As a Christian I couldn't imagine it, not much sounds further from the bible version of a marriage. Which is why it irritates me so much when people complain about their husbands, it makes me wonder how well they could deal if they had to go months on ends without their better half. And I don't think that me and Vinnie not fighting is about things flowing, its about being smart enough to just choose your battles. I mean what in life is so important that it is worth fighting over. Nothing that I have found. My first husband cheated on me not a month after we were married, with Vinnie I have trust that he would never do that.
Anyways, I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to find the number to our housing office because I wasn't sure if the trash would get picked up today since its a federal holiday. Thankfully our trash trucks are nice and loud because I was able to rush out and get our trash out. It was full because I have been cleaning out everything this weekend.
Our trash is piled up for hte same reasonk but the truck doesn't come until Wednesday, so I think Floyd is going to take the trash up to the city tomorrow so I can start working on rearranging and decorating the kitchen. Shopko has the nook I want for only 159.99 for the whole set can you believe it I'm so happy and shocked lol and it was such a fluke that we stopped by there.
You know I must agree with you about your friend, even though I somtimes complain also ... and if it's bad I do complain a lot lol. You know lately he's been a lot better though. Floyd and I don't fight a lot. It makes me mad though because sometimes if I say that something is bothering me instead of getting into a bit of an argument about it and coming to a good resolution he say ok whatever says he'll do something different or something about it and then it never happens. Like the damn lights that need replaced and I can't even rech while standing on a chair ... stuipid high ceilings ... stupid short legs.
I understand the need to complain about a spouse believe me. Its just thats all she ever does, and I just wish she would complain to someone else. This is the person who had a ONS with her baby's father and was upset when he didn't want anything to do with her. She didn't even know him from Adam and she expected him to be a father. And she has been so concerned with getting child support from him even though she really doesn't need it. The guy she is married to has been with her since before the baby was born. If I was in that situation I would have let my husband adopt the baby and be done with it. But some people I guess just love the drama. I don't get it.
I swear with some of my friends and family I could write an entire soap story.
well I'm no spring-chicken (going on 40), I've had my share of relationships over the years. I know a good one from a bad one.
So if you have a good husband, then that is great, but keep in mind not everyone is as fortunate.
Some people choose to live with problems and if they are happy then I am happy for them.
Other situations, which even my Catholic friend agrees; if there is addiction or abuse in the marriage, then there is cause for separation. Especially if the addicted person will not get counselling.
Never judge someone, and I'm not saying anyone here is, but never judge until you've walked a mile in someone elses shoes.
You might only know half the story.
Shelly is your friend truly unhappy in her marriage or is she just a whiner? I would not tolerate a whiner. On the other hand, everyone deserves to find happiness, but not everyone has the self confidence to realize that.
she is just a whiner, I have known her for a little under 10 years and can tell the difference between whining and unhappiness. And her husband does nothing but shower her with everything he has...definitely not a bad guy. And as far as not tolerating whining I guess since we were as close as sisters once I do tolerate it because I know when the chips are down she is there for me. I am not going to throw away a friendship because she is whining. And if I want to judge her for it then I am going to.
Ok dammit I'm the only one who can judge ... and I rule that everyone needs a drink... now go get yourselves a slippery nipple. Shelly, I am sure you know the ins and outs of your friend and her hubby better than either of us. I will agree that if he's a good man doesn't have any addictions and treats her well, then she's probly being a total whiner and nit picking, and on the other hand some people do love the drama.
I am sure you all remember Christin, she is definitely one of those girls who loves the drama and invites it into her life. I don't think some of these girls know they are doing it but they do. You know she had a great guy and bitched about him all the time. The only guy who was worth a damn that she had ever been with you know. All the rest were total losers. He had a terrific job, a nice fat bank account, was stable, not a drinker, loved her to death wanted to adopt her daughter, take care of her, he left his good job for a while to work on the railroad so she could have more money. Well of course when he did that she stepped out on him and then blamed it on him for taking a job on tghe railroad. The clincher she's the one who pushed for him to get hired there she even got him the application.
I do also have another friend who kind of settled because she didn't think she could get anyon better because she already had 2 children of her own. He is luckily a good guy. At first though it was rough. He had a lot of problems and shehad terribly low self esteem Luckily they got into couples counseling and both worked on themselves after that they fell in love with each other all over again.
I think more people than we know are in that settling catergory. We don't see marriages last anuymore so a lot of us second guess ourselves and we think well he loves me he wants to marry me so this has to be the one. I think back when my grandma was younger girls were a lot more selective. I know it sounds crazy, but I learned that my gram had been proposed to 3 times before finally accepting my grandpa's proposal. Even after that though she wasn't sure she wanted to be married. We grow up with the notion that you have to get married by a certain age or you'll be the crazy cat lady spinstress. THen if we're in a marriage with which we aren't happy, we're afraid to get otu of it because of kids, finances, social stigmatas and a number of other reasons. So we resign ourselves to languish hoping that things will one day improve. In those cases it's hit and miss.
You know it's just not as esy as it once was to keep a family together. I think it has something to do with the decline of the church in America. It's going to sound preachy I know, but just think of how few problems we would have in this world if everyone lived by God's will. If alcoholism was a thing of teh past, men loved their women the way in which Jesus loves the Church. Women were raised knowing that they are princesses and they deserve nothing less than a man who was truly a prince and that made them happy.
OH and I get what you mean about living with the problems. Like right now I'm happy even though there are problems with Floyd ... right now I can stand them lmao. But rest assured if they got out of hand, he would so be hitting the bricks lol.
Jessica get out of my mind, I swear you just totally read it. Well except for the part about your friend.
My grandparents were married 51 years before my grandpa died. And I can tell you that they weren't all very good years, I guess they just stayed together because thats just what you do. I guess it doesn't make sense to everyone, though it did to me. When my ex cheated on me I was devastated not because he cheated on me but because my marriage failed. As a christian I guess thats a hard thing to admit.
Oh, and when I do get irritated with Vinnie. Because sometimes he treats me like I am 5 by asking me "Are you sure you did this?" "Did you get that done today" I guess I just vent to other people.
Shelly I did not say you should get rid of your friend, I said don't tolerate the whining. Tell her to stop (nicely of course). Explain to her how and why it bothers you.
yeah, she knows it bothers me. But I think that for some people its like second nature and they don't notice it. And it goes under the category of choosing my battles. I only talk to her like twice a month so if it means I have to listen to whining in order to hear how she is doing then thats what I have to do. I just try not to talk to her for a long time because I find myself whining a little too and thats even more irritating.
I think you're right about not noticing it. I swear some people have these things imbedded in their DNA. Then no matter how many friends they lose, how much it bothers others, they just don't get it. You try and try to t tell them what is wrong and they look at you like, "duh ummm I don't get it what are you talking about?" You kinda feel sorry for them because it's just like they fell outta the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down .. ok at least the person I'm talking about is like that .. maybe not so bad with yours .. but mind .. yeah yikes!
But no matter how much it bothers me I still put up with it. She has a good heart and I think once she finally gets past it all (the optimist in me) it'll be great. She's also a very good person to whom I can turn when something bothers me. She listens well and deosn't judge (she really can't lol). Even best she'll let me just vent and vent and spew out all the emotional vomit I need.
