These are old but I figured we all deserved a chuckle today.
I was listening to a program today on being happy and the speaker said that happiness is a choice, which we know, but she went on to say that our happiness is generally about the level of our five closest friends/ relatives. So if you arent a very happy person (Oops, since youre on this email I know that you are basically happy.) But you know other people who may not be and may be able to suggest that since they cant change their relatives, they could take a look at their friends.
I am a happy person and you, each, have contributed to my happiness. Thank you.
IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." >From Kingman , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING : I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us...! And the scary part is that They REPRODUCE !
speaking of stupid people, I heard a good one last night. This guy worked for the paramedics or something, he said you wouldn't believe the stupid people in the projects of Chicago - Cabrini Green.
One guy blew up his entire kitchen. When asked why, he said he was painting his car in the garage and the can of paint said "baked enamel". So he put it in the oven to "bake" it first!!!
Apparently they also like to BBQ in their bathtubs and think they can just put a fan in the window to blow all the smoke out, many fires that way!
Thanks for the chuckles! We all have our "idiot moments", non?
The other day I was at the passenger pick up, drop off at the subway to collect Mike and Maya. The kids got into the car and Mike asked if I wanted him to drive (I don't really like driving all that much) and I replied, no, it's okay and put the car in gear. Nothing happened. Mike said "turn on the ignition, mom". I got out and let him drive.
yeah, I think that we all definitely have our moments. I am just proud to know that my moments are not near as bad as some of the ones in these jokes. Hopefully I will never in my life be a darwin award
