KaeEll, did that Dramamine help you at all? If so, could you please send it back because I need a dose or two.
TOPIC: Arizona Daughter.
BACKGROUND: Moved into her new apartment last May, having agreed with her boyfriend that it was time to go their separate ways. They're friendly, but don't see each other much anymore; he's now living in a house with a bunch of other guys, essentially dropped out of college, and is modelling for Ford.
Her best Arizona girlfriend, Hailey, works for the management company for various Mark Taylor properties, scattered all over Arizona, and was instrumental in getting our daughter to move into this particular apartment complex. The extra benefit was that, although they would be in different units, they'd still be close to each other.
Arizona daughter was most definitely NOT looking for love!
The semester was over, summer was approaching, she was settling into her new place, and was about to increase her hours watching over little Ayva. It was all good...
One night, while walking over to Hailey's apartment, she noticed a group of people playing on the basketball court. There were four girls, and three guys. One of the guys, a very tall dark-haired guy, called her over. She tried to ignore him, but he was persistent. So, being more interested in making friends with the girls than in meeting some new guy, she went over to them. Having exchanged cell phone numbers, she continued to Hailey's place.
It turns out that the tall, dark-haired buy (Bryce) lives in our daughter's same building, two apartments over. It also turns out that he had his heart majorly broken about six months ago, and hasn't dated anyone since. The group of girls confirms all of this, and confessed to being very protective of him since he was really put through the wringer by some wretched woman (Bryce is 24, our daughter is 20), and that he's a very sweet, kind guy who didn't deserve such an experience.
Daughter and Bryce became friendly, but neither of them was interested in a relationship. However, daughter loves to cook, so she invited Bryce to the occasional dinner, and they "hung out". In the meantime, she became friends with the girls too...
Daughter begins to tell us what a sweetheart Bryce is.
Bryce begins to thaw...
Daughter begins to fall hard.
Bryce tells daughter that she's the most perfect person he's ever met, but that he's gun-shy from his previous experience.
Daughter tells him, "no pressure", and falls harder. Daughter, who tends to keep her feelings very private, tells parents that she's never felt quite this way about anyone she's ever dated, but is afraid to put her emotions into the relationship right now because she doesn't know where it's going to go.
Parents tell daughter not to "project", and not to assume, but to simply enjoy the relationship for what it seems to be at the moment, and if it's meant to be, or not to be, those things will become evident soon enough.
Daughter and Bryce take a weekend trip to Los Angeles (Bryce lived there briefly), and stayed with our new and good friend from the Academy. Daughter tried to surf for the first time in her life, and they had a wonderful time.
Daughter is falling in love.
THE PAST FEW WEEKS:
Crazy Pam told daughter that she wouldn't be needed as a nanny anymore.
One of daughter's bunnies dies suddenly.
Best friend Hailey moved out of the complex when Mark Taylor Properties offered her a promotion, and a fancy new place in another location.
Bryce dumped daughter, giving her the "it's not you, it's me", and the "I'm not ready for commitment yet" speeches.
So, in the span of about two weeks, our daughter lost her job, her pet, her best friend's proximity, and her new love!
The WORST part where Bryce is concerned is that our daughter went where ALL women tend to go, and blamed herself with the whole mental "I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, interesting enough, fill-in-the-blank enough", and it just killed me to hear this sweet girl put this on herself!
WHY do we women DO that to ourselves?
WHY do men put us in the POSITION of doing that to ourselves?
I've been blue for days, and she's too far away for me to snuggle her, give her a footsie rub, or to let her have a good, hard cry on my shoulder.
NEED DRAMAMINE:
Daughter called to tell us that Pam is rethinking this entire "we don't need you anymore" thing. I think that reality began to sink in with ole Pam and Paul. Pam told our daughter that she doesn't need to leave at the end of this month because her parents aren't arriving until the middle of September. She also told her that she wants her parents to meet our daughter before anything is decided, and feels that they'll become comfortable with her.
If nothing else, she's assured of an extra two weeks of income. I told Jim last night that if Pam and Paul DO change their minds, that they're darned well going to need to sign a new contract, assuring our daughter of a year's worth of work because college is back in session now, and jobs are being snapped up by the minute; our daughter can't commit herself to taking care of Ayva, only to have these people change their minds again, two months from now!
In the meantime, our daughter is looking for other work, not counting on these people to come through.
One of her former professors had suggested that she do some volunteering at a local Planned Parenthood, because it could lead to a job, and would also serve as good background in her major. She's a psychology major, and her area of interest is in human sexuality. She filled out the paperwork, and was accepted into the program. While she volunteers, she would also go through extensive training, and then would begin going out on speaking/mentoring assignments, under supervision. Ultimately, she would obtain the proper credentials to do this kind of thing on her own. So, she is VERY excited about that.
She's on her way to becoming an official Arizona resident, and is very excited about that too. She loves it out there.
The four girls have been very supportive, and have come through for our daughter as friends.
Classes began on Monday, and she LOVES all of her professors, and classes so far. She met with one professor yesterday afternoon to ask what kind of track she should be on at this point (she's beginning her junior year), and he gave her some excellent advice (she's already on the right path), and talked to her about getting her Masters Degree. He explained what Arizona requires for psychologists to be able to "hang out a shingle", and how to best prepare herself for that goal. She's got some tough courses, but is excited about them. The one Monday night is sort-of a CSI kind of thing; it has to do with sex crimes, and is apparently quite graphic. Students were warned!!! The class is a mix of younger students, and people from law enforcement who want to further their own education in these matters.
In the middle of all of her heavy-duty psychology classes, she's decided to jump back into French again, so is taking a class that's essentially total immersion in conversational French.
Anyway, she sounds as happy and as cheerful as a little clam, very serious about her studies, with no mention of Bryce.
Just a heads-up for those of you with young children. You NEVER stop worrying about them, even when they're all grown up.
I think that maybe I need Dramamine after just reading this. Good grief. I have to start by saying that after seeing these pictures, your daughter is beautiful, and she must be smart if she is on her way to a Masters Degree. Thats pretty good, definitely Bryce's loss.
I have to also add that I love that we all have this little outlet to come and talk about our family dramas.
Moore, what can I say? I understand exactly how you feel about this whole thing! The guy thing, too. Dramamine doesn't really help either, but it sure would be great if it did.
Kids go through tough patches and they always seem to happen in clumps, just like A-D's woes have piled up on her. The kids seem to weather these patches better than we, as parents, do. lol.
The thing that I'd be most infuriated about is the job situation with the flaky parents of little Ayva. A contract for A-D is really wise. If these people are so darn wealthy, they could pay her for a whole school year's salary should they change their minds again.. That's the least they should be obliged to do. (I still think they are fabricating the reasons they had for firing her in the first place.)
As for Bryce - poor sweet girl. I can see what she might have seen in him. Gun shy men. Gah! He probably stopped himself from falling again in the nick of time, some male rationale that makes no sense to us, but there it is, over and over again. My two single sons have had their share of women like that too, so sadly, it works both ways. I have NO idea why, either.
Thank you, Shelly. She's a very sweet young woman; very dependable, and independent too. I completely agree that it's Bryce's loss!
Our daughter is just starting her junior year, so any Masters Degree is still several years away, but that's her goal. She was told that a PhD probably wouldn't be necessary, unless she's interested in doing research, which she isn't. At least, not at this stage.
I'm very glad that we have this outlet too. I come over here more for the chats than for the posts about soaps because I tend to make those posts on SOC, and am too lazy to post twice! LOL... However, I'm able to post some things here that I can't over there (like my rants about Trevor-Todd), so occasionally I'll make an exception!!!
I'm always grateful for the support, and insights. Tell KaeEll to hurry up with the Dramamine, and we can all have some. Sorry to have made you dizzy.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Just saw your post, KaeEll. Thank you for understanding my frustrations as a mother. I know you've been there...
It's so difficult to watch them go through any kind of heartache, and feel so helpless to do anything. However, I also know that they would become very shallow people if they didn't tough it out through these inevitable experiences that life hands us sometimes.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
That's for SURE, Moore. I've known people who have managed to go through life with everything going their way all the time, and yes, they do turn out to be shallow. As hard as it is for us to watch our young adult kids go through the bumps and bangs, it does make them more compassionate, more understanding and wiser at the end of it all.
Thank goodness A-D has some girlfriends out there for tea and sympathy. There's nothing like a group of true gal pals to help in times like that.
And yay for our little board to sound off and share. it's quite a lot more interesting than soap operas. Ach - Y&R is on. See what I mean, LOL?
These girls have turned out to be good friends. Our daughter and I were both a little bit skeptical about them at first because they seemed to be running some kind of secondary agenda with her.
It turned out that they were just being protective of Bryce. They'd seen him go through some horrible times, and then here comes this unknown girl who seemed to catch his attention right away. They weren't ready to trust her! Now, they really love her, and told Bryce that he'd darned well better not break her heart.
Clearly, he didn't listen to that advice...
So, yes -- I'm grateful that she has them around, I'm grateful that she has Hailey (although not close by anymore), I'm grateful that she's determined to throw herself back into her studies, and I'm grateful that she feels she can talk to the old folks here, and to her brother and sister about this stuff.
Incidentally, our daughter noticed that there's a girl who has tended to show up in most of our her same classes for the past two years, and showed up again on Monday and Tuesday. They waved to each other at the beginning of one class, and finally introduced themselves at the end of it. This girl is on exactly the same path as our daughter, and has the same goals. It's so interesting that on a campus of 60,000-plus students, these two finally zeroed in on each other! I hope that it will turn out to be a nice, new friendship.
KaeEll, Jim and I are going to keep a close eye on what happens with Pam and Paul. Trust me...!!!
-- Edited by Moore ideas at 11:39, 2008-08-27
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Bryce has actually been to hell and back, as the result of something that another woman did to him that was so evil that it would be hard for anyone to recover from the experience. His friends confirm everything that happened because they were there to watch it all unfold, and also confirm that he had distanced himself from all relationships for a good six months, if not more, before he approached our daughter.
He may have sensed that there is something very trustworthy about her...
I talked to her about an hour ago, and she's giving him his space. She isn't going to pursue him in any way, but is going to be kind to him whenever they bump into each other.
Her friends say that Bryce isn't sleeping, and looks like a wreck. I'm sure that he has a lot of mixed emotions, and didn't feel very good about his choice. Our daughter understands it. It hurts her, but she understands it.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Moore, maybe someone could suggest a therapist for Bryce. It could be that whatever horrible experience he had could haunt him forever, and a professional might be able to help him work through it. At the very least he could get some sleeping aids or anti depressants into him. Whatever that girl did to him, wow, just wow. Poor babies, both of them. I'm so sorry for A-D and her friend.
My goodness, the poor guy. And I think that your daughter must be a pretty cool person to be so nice to him when she is hurt. That takes a pretty strong person to be able to do that.
KaeEll, I'm sure that he could benefit from some counseling, but I don't think that he can afford it right now.
Shelly -- I'm very biased, but I'd have to say that our daughter IS a pretty cool person, and is also very strong. Jim and I are both very proud of her.
Fortunately, she's otherwise pretty busy right now, so it's just as well that classes have started, and that she still has Ayva for a few more weeks. She plans to dig into her studies, and deal with Bryce as those situations arise, as a friend for now.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
As a matter of fact, I just happen to agree with you, but I also have to admit once again to being greatly biased on this issue! She was a pretty cute little kid too...
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Every time you tell us about your A-D, Moore, all I can think of is how strong she is. If that had all happened to me, I doubt I'd be functioning properly. She sounds like a smart, caring, wonderful gal, and someday soon, she will be rewarded profusely for all of her hard work and her good attitude.
Jackson just turned 7, and I'm already worrying about the man he'll turn out to be. I know that I'm here to help shape him, and give him the tools to succeed and do the right things, but it's something I worry myself with often.
KaeEll is right -- you're doing all of the right things! What children need most is unconditional love, and continuity. We all make mistakes as parents, but those mistakes become less glaring when our children know that we love them, no matter what!
I have NO doubts that Jackson will turn out to be a very fine man, and most likely one who admires and respects women. Boys and young men who understand how hard their mothers have worked to support and raise them, and who know that their mothers truly wish them all the best in life, will become wonderful husbands and fathers one day.
Here's a brief update on A-D: A few days ago, she ran into Bryce when her four girlfriends threw a birthday party for one of Bryce's roommates. It all went well; they were friendly towards each other, and even joked a bit. Nothing beyond that, and they're still keeping their distance...
Apparently there has also been a bit of a Sunday night pot-luck tradition with the four girls who have fed the gang every weekend. Because these four girls just gave the birthday party a few days ago, and because they are now also irritated with ALL of the guys (for whatever reasons), our daughter decided to treat them to dinner at her place. She was making a Brie and pesto fondue, with French bread, shrimp, chicken, cherry tomatoes, and broccoli for dipping. She discovered that she had a lot of eggs in the fridge, so she was going to make some deviled eggs as a side (to use them up), saving a few of the eggs to make our "famous" family dessert, the roulage that I've talked about before.
Of course, I haven't heard anything about how it all turned out because it's still very early in Arizona, but I imagine that the five of them had a whole lot of fun (I hope!!), feasting of the various offerings, and dishing on the guys! Sometimes, a little female bonding is what's needed...
-- Edited by Moore ideas at 09:43, 2008-09-01
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
The report from two days ago was that the girls had a fabulous time. One of them brought a board game, and our daughter said that it was the best roulage she's ever made. Happy, happy, happy...
Yesterday, I had two phone calls from A-D, and everything that's happened to her lately has now hit her, and hit her hard! She sounded sad, hopeless, and didn't want to listen to any words of encouragement from mom. The girlfriends are apparently planning to move in December (out of state), and she feels completely alone.
She was also upset that her residency might not kick in quite as quickly as expected (thus affecting the tuition), and both her dad and I tried to tell her that it didn't matter, and that there may be a way that it can be resolved earlier. Apparently, we can't claim her as a dependent for two years before she can become an official resident, but it's possible that we could file an amended return, and we'll look into that.
It's a times like this when I wish she weren't so far away. I was so low yesterday, that I didn't even touch any of the stuff that I really needed to be working on, but I just couldn't focus.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
I'm so sorry, Moore. A-D will bounce back, you know that, but poor mom in the meantime, non? I'm sure that you've cautioned daughter not to let herself become ill over all the upheaval, take lots of vitamins, and at the risk of sounding like a freaking broken record, Rescue Remedy, too. If you haven't tried it yet.....
My sons have had awful stuff happen to them when far, far away, and I know exactly how you feel. Hugs, mommy, and keep the faith.
Thanks, KaeEll. I'm hoping that she will, sooner rather than later.
I know how much you've worried about your sons' ups and downs too. I would have been frantic with what all you went through with Nick (was it as long as a year ago now?), all across the world. Lordy! I don't know how you managed that as well as you did.
I'll track down the roulage recipe, and post it. It sounds complicated, but it couldn't be easier. The only trick is in rolling it.
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Roulage sounds so good...Yummy. I have to say i agree with kae about the rescue remedy. It really is the best stuff.
I was actually starting to wonder if all this was going to hit A-D. A lot of times it does take longer. I wish I was in Phoenix now so I could introduce your daughter to some of my BF's. Girl friends really are the best things ever. And I bet your daughter will meet more in her classes this year
Right now, she isn't really listening to anything that I say. I told her that her friends are still there, and that she should enjoy them; plans can change, but even if they don't, she shouldn't waste the time that she has with them by moping over what's going to happen months from now.
She's also talking about getting a second job, either bartending in a country club that she's connected to through a friend, or working as a waitress. I told her that if either of these jobs come through, it will be an entirely new dynamic, and she's bound to meet other people.
And, as you said, I also mentioned about the classes...
Didn't process!
Okay, I'm going to stop wringing my hands over this for now. There's nothing that I can do other than to be here for her, and to try my best to offer up love and support. It's just so difficult not to hurt when one's child hurts!
We mothers ALL know that! Oy...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Yeah, I can certainly understand that. Its hard to just let her heal in the way that she is, I certainly don't look forward to when my little ones problems grow up with her
Thanks for the sweet words, Kae and Moore. I try to be as hands on as possible. It's just me and him here, and his father has become rather absent lately. He doesn't call anymore. His family is all angry with me at the moment,and they are, if I may be frank, acting like children right now.
Moore, I'm sure AD will just need a little time. A lot has happened to her, and I'm so sorry she is having to go throgh all of that.
