How soon is too soon to start dating. I got asked out by a friend from work. I don't know if I should or not. He's nice, sweet .. a little younger than i am, but he ws there for me (ok, he his sister and his dad all were great) and made sure I was ok during this whole thing. If it weren't for him I don't know if I could have made it through this whole ordeal without going insane. He watched Cody a few times for me while I had to work, he even took us out to eat almost every day because Floyd had cleared the bank account out. Arrrgh I don't know what to do.
The very last thing you need right now, Jess, is an emotional involvement with somebody new. It would be unfair to this nice young man as well. Concentrate on the children and work, finding a new house and getting organised. The kids will need some time to get used to the joint custody arrangements and they certainly don't need another person thrown into the mix right now either.
KaeEll is absolutely right. I think your dating someone else right now would be extremely confusing to the kids. Just "nest" for now, and get everything else in your life in order before you start to think about dating. Frying pan...?? Fire...??
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
I don't think there is anything wrong with being friends with this person, I mean we could all use someone to lean on. But anything remotely romantic should be put on hold. Definitely until your kids feel settled again. They have had a really upsetting past couple of months. They and you need time.
-- Edited by shellyinphx on Wednesday 25th of March 2009 10:11:39 AM
Frankly, that shows exactly why you shouldn't bother dating this guy. He's clearly too stupid to get the fact that a woman who just got divorced a few days ago and has been through emotional hell for the past however long needs a break.
Unfortunately, only two things can be happening here, and as a guy, I guarantee you these ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT COULD BE HAPPENING.
1- He's really only interested in you as a friend and wants to take you out and maybe slowly get to know you. This would also depend on how he asked, what activity was suggested. Honestly, anything more then quick trip to Taco Bell, etc probably not a good sign. Also he should have been at least a little hesitate in his asking if this is the actual thing happening.
2- And remember I'm being bluntly honest here, you are in his opinion an easy score. I hate to say that way, but it's true. I've seen guys do it plenty of times. Girl gets out of whatever relationship and "oh I'll be here for you" and "let me take you out and make you feel better" and really all he's thinking is, "gonna get me some". He's hoping you'll be easy to wine and dine or maybe hoping you're out for a revenge screw or just simply needing it. Yeah unfortunately there are plenty of these fucking assholes running around.
Remember the movie Hitch? There was the guy Hitch wouldn't work with. Unfortunately he could be one of those guys.
Personally, I'd kindly reject the offer and see what happens next. If he's a friend, he'll stay friendly, nice, hang around. If he's not he'll keep pushing or he'll completely lose any interest in you at least initially until he quickly realizes he just let himself look like a user and then that interest quickly returns but in a more subtle form.
Frankly, I'm giving my honest opinion. With as much crap as you've been through, you need to find you, find who you are, what you're really about. I hate to say but again, being bluntly honest, I think you got repressed by your ex-husband and no matter how slight or how big that repression was, you need time to recover from it.
If the guy really is a friend, he'll get that. If not, you'll see behavior close to what I described above about the assholes.
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"If you were looking for something clever or witty or funny here, you've come to the wrong place."
Brandon, I absolutely agree with every single word you wrote. This is why we need a guy's perspective. We women will be all lady-like about saying exactly what you just said, and you get to the heart of it!
Jessica, listen to what Brandon just said. He's dead on...
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"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Brandon makes some excellent points. Not only is it inappropriate to ask such a freshly divorced woman out on a date, it is unconscionable to even contemplate taking advantage of her, and clearly this kid had that in mind.
