We got a call at 3 o'clock Thursday morning from our daughter, Brenda, that lives in San Francisco. One of her roommates brought her to the hospital. Her throat hurts so bad she can hardly talk. She has severe belly pain, vomiting, and a fever of 102 F. Its not her appendix because that's already out. She has been admitted and is still there. The doctors ran some tests. It turned out she had a combination of a ruptured and bleeding ovarian cyst and strep throat. To make matters worse, she had a bad reaction to a medication or medications combined and broke out in a bad rash and it effected her joints.
Meanwhile, my other daughter, Audrey who lives in Charlotte, NC, is calling and crying everyday because her husband wants a divorce. She is a smart lady with a masters degree. She teaches middle school English. Then she goes to her part-time job giving swimming lessons four days a week. With all this, she only makes half of what he makes. She is a good cook and keeps the house clean.
Here is a picture of them taken this past summer: Audrey (left) and Brenda
-- Edited by Sundancer on Monday 12th of October 2009 01:33:55 PM
Sundancer!! I'm so sorry to hear about what your two beautiful daughters have been going through. A mom never stops worrying, no matter what...
Poor Brenda. My daughters have had problems with cysts, so I know from them how painful it can be. I hope that Brenda's better now, and is fighting that strep. Some of those antibiotics can cause reaction; I had a similar reaction this past July when I was hospitalized. Not as badly as Brenda did, though!! Did they give her Benadryl, or switch her to another medication? Poor baby...
And you must be heartbroken for Audrey. (That's still one of my favorite names!) Will her husband agree to go to some counseling? I always hate to see a marriage dissolve. Audrey sounds like a very gifted young lady, so no matter what happens, I'm sure that she'll bounce back. In the meantime, it's so difficult for a mom to see her daughter with a broken heart.
Prayers going up for both of your beautiful girls...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Oh, Sundancer, I am so sorry that your daughters are having such a miserable bumpy patch!! I'm definitely sending healing thoughts for Brenda and soothing ones for Audrey.
Why is it than so many jump upon the "divorce" bandwagon when there are other alternatives? No marriage is going to be problem-free over the years. It saddens me to no end to hear of divorce so very often. I so hope Audrey and her husband can figure out another way to solve their problems. But if not, I'm sure she's bounce back when the dust has settled. Our middle son went through a weird and creepy divorce after less than 2 years of marriage, so I understand very well what a mother's thoughts can be for their child going through that wrench.
By the way, your girls are lovely. Cyber-hugs to all of you.
I received a phone call from each of them this morning. First Audrey called (crying)between classes (she is a middle school teacher). I asked her if she had a hard time teaching. She said no because she doesn't think about it (her husband leaving her) then. Its the evenings that really get to her. She told me she'd buy me an airline ticket to come stay with her. (She is in Charlotte -- I'm in Houston).
I just finished talking to Brenda (crying)who is home from the hospital. She said her throat and head still hurt. Her joints hurt so bad, moving on the bed is painful. We are scheduled to go there on Oct. 30.
I remember when they were little and I could solve their problems and be there with them. Now they are 31 and 29 years old and so far away. What do I do???
-- Edited by Sundancer on Tuesday 13th of October 2009 04:50:21 PM
There's nothing worse than being far away from your hurting or sick children, no matter how old they are. I agree with you that it was far easier when they were little, and you could scoop them up, and soothe whatever was wrong with kisses, storybooks, and lullabyes.
The one thing that still helps is hearing over and over again, in mom's reassuring voice, that you love them, and that everything will be okay...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
The priorities I was taught as a child were that tragedy supersedes celebration and illness supersedes tragedy. So, in this case, if you can go be with the daughter that is ill for a little while to soothe her and help her feel better, then fly off to see the daughter in Charlotte, you'd have them both covered.
I know that you have the swimming job, Sundancer, but it sounds like the daughters needs are higher on the list, non?
Again, I am so sorry that both of your girls are going through all of this, but you're a great mom, and they need you. In a way, be grateful that you CAN help them. So often, when parents live far from the kids and money is scarce, a visit is out of the question.
Failing the visit, Moore is SO right about the soothing, reassuring voice of the mom, over and over again on the phone.
When our youngest, Nick, was in SE Asia, in a hospital with viral pneumonia, in Vietniene, I couldn't be there. I called a friend whose son was visiting his aunt and uncle in Ko Samui, Thailand. The son flew into Laos and fetched our son, took him to his uncle's home to recouperate for two weeks. If we hadn't had that option, my husband would have flown over there to help out.
We raise adults. They move away. Trouble comes along and they need us again. *sigh* C'est la vie.
Sundancer, I've found that different stages in our children tend to repeat themselves. For example, being 19 is a little bit like being 12 again. It's a transitional time when the labels are about to change. When you're 12, you're not a teenager yet (and they all long to be one), and when you're 19, you're STILL a teenager (and they're all sick of that particular label by then). Likewise, our adult children still need some of the same reassurances that they did when they were little.
When your kids were very little, and were afraid of something or were trying some new skill on their own, it was important for them to see that they could do it by themselves, and succeed. It's not really all that different when they're grown. Being thrust out into the world after graduation is scary. Finding that first job is scary, etc., and we can't go and physically hold their hands through all of it, unfortunately. If we could, we would!! The most we can do is to tell them that they'll be fine, and to share some of our own experiences, and even some of our own failures. This shows that we survived it, and that they will too. And when they do, even if they're in their twenties or thirties, they'll still be just as proud of that success as they were when they were five years old, and tied their shoes for the first time.
KaeEll is right -- you're a wonderful mom. Your love for your kids shines through all the time, and that's what's important in these situations. Let your two hurting girls know that they're strong, and that they'll both heal. Go to them if you can, but if that's impractical (and these days, travelling isn't so easy), just being on the other end of the phone when they need you can work still work wonders.
It's SO hard seeing one's child go through a crisis, when all we want is to have our magic wands handy! That's not possible, though, and the truth is that this stuff is what ends up making our kids stronger.
Hang in there! We're here for you...
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
Thanks, Kae and Moore, for your support. Well, here is more of the story regarding Brenda. She went to an Urgent Care facility by taxi today. It turns out that the hospital where she was an in-patient sent her home with pneumonia, strep throat, and swollen joints over her entire body due to an allergic reaction to medication they gave her. Also, they gave her no prescriptions for the strep or pain! She also stopped them from giving her another medication that she is so highly allergic to. (it was on her hospital ID bracelet). The UC today gave her a chest x-ray and blood test. She got the correct medication and is starting to recover.
She is supposed to go to Chicago this Thursday for a depostition regarding the Taxi cab that hit her as a pedestrian two years ago while she was walking in a crosswalk.
Good grief!! Poor Brenda! It's not bad enough that the hospital poisoned her, but she was hit by a taxi too!! I hope she begs off travelling for the deposition until she is 100% well. There's an old saying up here that doctors are as likely to kill one as cure one.
Transitions in life don't come along easily, do they? It's always something. Even at my stage in life, changing into the "senior" generation has hit me in all sorts of ways that have put me off balance. Being stuck among four generations, my parents, who need more attention and care than little ones, my own "kids" who look to us for guidance, and the weest ones that we want to dote over and hug...it's different, and much more draining than we ever expected.
Sundancer, please send along our good thoughts and wishes to both daughters, and to you, the mom stuck in the middle. The crises will pass, as always. Hang in there.
I can't count.
-- Edited by KaeEll on Wednesday 14th of October 2009 01:47:40 PM
Oh my God! What IDIOTS are working in that hospital?? How can they send someone home with strep without a proper prescription? How can they miss pneumonia? When Brenda is feeling better, she should SERIOUSLY write a letter to the hospital administrator! I'm glad to know that she's on the right stuff now, and I imagine that she'll begin to improve very quickly, after being on the right meds for a couple of days.
Can she postpone the deposition? I'm sure that illness would be an understandable reason for delaying it by a week or two. Good heavens... "Poor Brenda" is right, KaeEll.
__________________
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
(Dumbledore to Harry Potter)
I truly wish that I could offer input here but my little ones are still very much little ones and so their troubles are also little. I do however hope that we are all still "together" when my girls are older...I may need help..
